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तेरा इंतज़ार मुझे आज भी है
मगर
अब हसरत यही है
की किसी मोड़ पर हम जब फिर मिलें
तो मैं ऐसे गुजरूँ
जैसे ज़माना मेरी मुट्ठी में है


हाँ , मुझे अब भी तेरा इंतज़ार है  ......

Tumhari yaad....

तुम्हारी याद को तो बस एक बहाना चाहिए

वो याद है तुमको जब coffee शॉप में उस बन्दे को देखा था हमने
तुमने कहा था जाना पहचाना सा है वो, उसे पहले भी कहीं देखा है
अब जब भी उसे देखता हूँ मैं , तो बस तुम याद आती हो......

 वो याद है तुमको जब park में  एक छोटा बच्चा खेल रहा था
तुम कैसे खिलखिलाकर हँस रही थी
अब जब भी किसी बच्चे को खेलते देखता हूँ मैं  , तो बस तुम याद आती हो.....

वो याद है तुमको जब चौराहे की बेंच पे बैठे, हमने चुपचाप  एक दूसरे से बात की थी
रात की ख़ामोशी बस साँसों की आवाज़ के रहम पर थी
अब जब भी साँस लेता हूँ मैं , तो बस तुम याद आती हो ।

तुम्हारी याद को तो बस एक बहाना चाहिए .... 

The Trench

Her and I - we were walking at the dawn. The sun hadn't come out yet, the fog covered the air and made it difficult to see the road ahead. Even otherwise I am not sure I would have seen the road. I was seeing her.

Slowly, I held her hand. Before I could interlock my fingers with hers, I was jolted. A big trench appeared, apparently out of nowhere, right in front of us. May be the fog blinded me of the trench. May be not. I lost my balance, my hands came off, I fell deep into the trench. I tried to climb up. With great difficulty I reached the other side.

I saw Her, still standing behind the trench.She looked angry. I stretched my hand, asked her to come.
You will not fall, I said, believe me.
She would not budge. Why did you leave my hand? Why did you go alone? She asked.
The fog blinded me, I couldn't see the trench, the shock made me take my hand off. Also, I hadn't interlocked my fingers with you, may be then my hands wouldn't have come off and I would have taken you along into the trench.

No, you ditched me.  She walked off with him and they crossed another trench together. No, it was not a trench. It was just a small depression.

I shouted to her.
But for the fog, I would have seen the trench, I would not have been jolted, my hands wouldn't have come off.
This is the biggest trench as far as I could see, if we cross this, we can cross any other.
How do you know he would not be as jolted as me if he encounters a trench as big as I encountered.

She did not turn.
Perhaps the wind carried away my words in the opposite direction. 
Perhaps she was relieved I fell in the trench.
Perhaps she had fallen in the trench earlier and the trench scared her.
Perhaps I took a lot of time climbing up the trench.
Perhaps it was always meant to be like this. She was an angel who wanted to alert me of the trenches. Show me the path.
Perhaps she is smiling now, realising her mission is accomplished.

Moving On

"Move on, there is more to life".

You must have heard this phrase many times before; you might have said it to your friends or your friends might have said it to you. Either way, moving on from a relationship is not the easiest thing to do. Why is moving on in life so difficult ? Even when people know that there is no other option, why do they refuse to accept the reality and cling on to something in the past ?

One reason why moving on is so difficult is because deep down at some corner of your heart, there is a small voice which keeps uttering the words - "You may still end up together". Though its a very feeble voice, you listen to it, and believe or at least "hope" that you will indeed end up together.Generally "hope" is a good thing. It gives a direction to life and gives us a reason to wake up in the morning. But when you are moving on from a relationship does this very "hope" become your biggest obstacle? Does this "hope" chains you to the past, prevents you from moving forward and cajoles you to wait? And you wait; sometimes even when there is no hope at all.

Though superficially it may seem that the refusal to accept the reality is due to the strong emotional attachment you may have developed for your loved one, is the real reason your ego ? Do you refuse to accept that a person for whom you care so much just doesn't give a damn about you ? A person who has become such an important part of your life doesn't have a place for you in his/her life ?

Another reason which makes people dread moving on is the fear that they will never feel the same way with anyone else compared to how they feel now. The comfort level, the connection, the attraction. What they have now is the best that could happen to them and they will never find anything even close to this in the future.This fear in turn wants them to hold on to what they have and "hope" things miraculously work out.
Why does this happen ? Is there an element of truth in it or is it just that a break up, almost always , diminishes your self confidence and makes you believe that the future cannot be brighter ?

For whatever reason - ego, drop in self confidence or even true love - if an artificial "hope" builds up in you, the best thing is to kill it. Time will eventually do that, but the sooner you realise and kill it yourself, the earlier you will get back on your feet and the more time you will have to enjoy life.

If at all we want to "hope" for something, let it be that the best is yet to come and that we will find something better. I saw the following Facebook post which succinctly tells the message :

Someday someone will walk into your life and make you realize why it never worked out with anyone else.

In short, Life is short. Move on.

BLACK AND WHITE

Is Love always Black or White or is Love always grey ? Or is Love sometimes Black or White and sometimes grey ?

Even if you break someone's heart whom you dearly love, for reasons you have no control over,  why do you feel uneasy when the person is happy with someone else ? Does it mean your love was not pure, not white ? It had shades of grey ?

If someone you love breaks your heart, why does your sadness increases if you see them happy with someone else ? And if they are as sad as you, why does it cheer you up ? Does it mean your love was not pure, not white ? It had shades of grey ?

Coming back to the question again, does Love have to be White ? If your Love has shades of grey, is it not Love at all ? Is it just an illusion which your ego wants you to believe ? If so, have I never, Loved at all ?

Phir wahi

वही नज़र वही शर्म
वैसा ही था खिलखिलाना
वही चाल वही ठहराव
वैसा ही था आँख चुराना

वही खुशबु वही आवाज़
उन आँखों में वही दास्ताँ
वही लोग वही एहसास
फिर से वही काला वीरान

वही हवा वही समां
हाँ सब कुछ वही तो था
वही घुटन वही जलन
हाँ सब कुछ वही तो था