Friday, August 6, 2010

Goodbye






She came towards me
With that sweet little smile
I wish I knew my life
Would forever be futile

A bit shy, a bit excited
She giggled all the time
She had something to say
Her eyes were the first sign

She was hesitant to tell
Something held her back
She talked of all the world
But nothing from the prepared stack

Then suddenly, she stopped talking
A fleeting glance came my way
With her eyes still pointing down
Slowly, she began to say

I think I am in love
I think I found my soul mate
This is the moment I longed for
God has answered my wait

My heart beat faster
Faster than ever before
I waited for her next word
Like a fish on the shore

She took out her wedding card
And stoically handed to me
Was the heaviest thing I ever held
Down it fell, but did anyone see?

Silence engulfed us
The eyes replaced the mouth
Those little things never lie
Then why am I north and why is she south?

The eyes closed gently
They couldn’t take it anymore
Up flew the mind, into the past
Away from this silent uproar


The sound of footsteps brought me back
There she was, walking behind
My outstretched hands couldn’t stop her
Cos they moved, only in my mind

Still, she stopped momentarily
Perhaps, she felt my invisible hand
Then trudged ahead with watery eyes
Breaking to pieces, my castle of sand







39 comments:

Leo said...

girl in a dream?

interesting take..

ATB for BAT13.

Jaspreet said...

I got a bit confused in the end.Is this girl for real or is she his dream girl ? Nevertheless, the poem is really touchy and sweet!

Vikram Pyati said...

@Leo @Jaspreet - Thanks for the appreciation. But the girl is not really a dream girl !! She is for real. I realize the line "The sound of footsteps woke me up" might be a bit misleading. What I meant here was that I came back to present from my thoughts!

gkam said...

I too misjudged it as a dream at first.
Reading again made the difference...

Sweet poem!

ATB for BAT13
Gkam - Goodbye

cutedevilmeg said...

aawww.....cuteeee....
i guess i was one of the few who actually understood the poem w/o fallin into the dreamgirl trap.. :D
good one :)
waise fevikwik bhijwa doo :P
jod lena dil :P
majboot jod hai tootega nahi :P

adarshs said...

ahh...sad, but beautiful..

Vikram Pyati said...

@gkam Thanks for the appreciation and thanks for reading it again!!!

@cutedevilmeg Fevikwik ki zarurat nahi...Ab dil jodke ke kya karunga :(
Anyway, glad you liked the poem :)

@adarshs Thanks for the appreciation

pushpee said...

cute lyrical poem and very sweet :))

Sidra Sayeed said...

Vikram it's a smooth narration. Reading carefully one can tell you've invested some emotions to recreate the magic of a nervous-longing heart.

Tavish{Sensible Bakwas} said...

hmm nice cute lil poem... all the best for BAT!

Cheers!
Tavish

Someone Is Special said...

Hey dream girl.. Great..

All The Best for BAT 13.

Do stop by Gmsaravana - Goodbye

If you wish to save a heart, then do stop by Save a Heart! Initiative. Do take the pledge and vote if you wish..

Yours Frendly,
Someone Is Special

adreamygal said...

Wonderful Vikram !! n unlike other bloggies , I knew that the girl was in real and that line meant that she shattered your dreams only to be waken up in reality ...ryt ?? beautifully written ...All the best for BATOM :)

Nethra said...

I hate such sad stories. It gets me so emotional...Nevertheless a nice poem.
All the best for BAT! :)

Vee... said...

before mistaking anything from your poem i went through all the comments. and that cleared my confusion too. Sweet poem and a sad one too, Vikram. good luck!

Meher....all out to explore..!! said...

I like the poem.sad,though it was a nice read.
all the best..!!
cheers..

Vikram Pyati said...

@pushpee Thank you very much..

@Sidra Yes indeed. Thanks

@Tavish Thanks for the appreciation

Vikram Pyati said...

@Someone is special - Dream girl.. Not exactly what I intended. But again, there can be other interpretations too. Glad you liked the poem

@adreamygal Well... isn't it ironic that only "a dreamy gal" did not fall in the dream girl trap? Thanks for the appreciation.

@Nethra I think sadness is a part of everyone's life. Sadness was occupying more space inside my heart.. so I decided to pour it out in form of a poem. Now I feel rejuvenated !!! Glad you liked the poem in spite of hating sad stories.

Vikram Pyati said...

@Vee Thanks for taking the time out to read all the comments and the poem too!!!

@Meher Thanks for the appreciation

Harsha Chittar said...

Hi Vikram,
Must say it was quite a poem, very well written, and quite different from the rest. Good luck bro.

Amity said...

a beautiful poem...:)

but quite poignant...but isn't saying goodbye always sad!

Shahid Mukadam a.k.a Shady West Side said...

very painful....very very painful....i am touched !!

Phoenixritu said...

I like the poem, the narration is smooth, clear, and the pain of the goodbye truly poignant

Mahesh Kalaal said...

poignant and touching ... interesting as well

dialoguewithyou said...

Very nicely written :)
Liked the sweet and simple presentation :)
Keep up the good work :D

Cheers!!

Siddhesh 'Ravan' Kabe said...

OK... was confused, then read comments, den read poem again and now must say...clap clap clap...nice and touchy take..:D

devilzangel said...

liked des lines,
"The sound of footsteps woke me up
There she was, walking behind
My outstretched hands couldn’t stop her
Cos they moved, only in my mind"

nice post

-Devilzangel
http://collected-cryptics.blogspot.com

Karthik said...

That was really a sad goodbye, dude.
Very nice poem indeed. Enjoyed the flow.
All the best!

Vikram Pyati said...

@Harsha Thank you very much for the appreciation

@Amity Thats true.. Thanks

@Shahid Thank you very much...

Vikram Pyati said...

@Phoenixritu @Mahesh @Dialogwithyou Thanks a ton for the appreciation

@Siddhesh Thanks for reading it again and for the clap :)

@devilzangel Those are my favorite lines too :} Glad you liked them

@Karthik Thanks for the appreciation

vivek said...

nice ..poem full of emotions ...

keep it up ..nice work
all the best

take care
keep smmiling

Gyanban © said...

Interesting take on the topic.Well composed.

Vipul Grover said...

Hey Vikram, a really well constructed poem.. u've used sum nice expressions to compose a poignant tale of broken heart.. I had to read it twice though to undrstnd it in the right context.. ATB :)

astrosunilnomy said...

hey very nice poem Vikram, i must learn form you how u brought about rhyme, this was rhyming nicely, except i felt the interrogative sentences were not fitting. Do we need questions in a poem? as everyone commented, there is a lack of clarity in the way it ends.
may be i think you could have put this concept as well..."she never realized i was always there for her, as a friend, always wished good things for her" -something like this coz there is a lack of clarity that is this a one sided love or both loved & she had some Majboori !

good luck for BAT-13

Vikram Pyati said...

@vivek @Gyanban Thanks for the appreciation

@Vipul Thanks for the appreciation. I understand some portions were a bit misleading. Probably a lesson for the future.

@Sunil Thanks for the feedback. Yes, there was some lack of clarity in the poem, obviously unintended. Will see how best I can overcome it in future.

Vikram Pyati said...

To all Readers,

As lot of readers have written that the poem was not clear, let me try to explain what I wanted to write.

Overall, it depicts the scene where the girl comes to give her wedding card to her friend. Both the girl and the boy are in love with each other and they know that as well, but due to some (unknown) reason can't express it to each other.In fact, most of the poem is made up of clues to suggest that the girl is in love with the boy.

I think the following para was a bit misleading, but I think this was the best part of the poem (IMO)

The sound of footsteps woke me up
There she was, walking behind
My outstretched hands couldn’t stop her
Cos they moved, only in my mind


What I wanted to say here was that as she moved away, I came back to the present (from my thoughts) and even though I really wanted to stop her, due to some compulsion I couldn't.

devender said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
devender said...

Kisi ke nigoho me bahak na joho
Kisi ke adaho me na fas jaho
firangiyo ke pass ho dost
kahi kali ko bhul na jaho

Sidra Sayeed said...

we need more posts from a romantic like u! Where's your latest post? :)

Sidra Sayeed said...

I dropped by to see if you've written anything after this one and I read the post again. I really enjoyed the innocence of it all.